Stress is a natural and necessary feeling, to keep us alert to threats and motivated. Unfortunately, modern life throws so much at us, so fast, that we can become overstressed, or for too much of the day. When this happens we're basically in continual flight or fight mode, which causes many mental and physical ill-health issues including:

• exhaustion, depression, chronic anxiety
• weight gain, digestive, skin & hair problems
•  mood swings, poor sleep, poor attention and memory
• wear & tear on body organs
• increased sensitivity to stressors - the stress hormones can stay in the body for 12 hours
• intolerance and personal conflict

See effects of stress: https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body

However, you can do something about it, as it happens:

• recognise your own signs of stress, in particular noticing where in the body tension or contraction is experienced
• when you notice the signs arising, do something about it immediately
• for example, take a few mindful breaths, letting go of tension on the out breath
• do the 10 second reboot (breathing practice in Section 2)

The key strategy is to stop stress building in the first place:

• take regular pauses, at least once an hour
• find your own triggers and reminders, such as every time you drink anything, or just between tasks such as a new email or phone call
• if it works for you, set an alarm to ping every hour
•  get up and walk, stretch or go outside often

Don't worry about being stressed, or keep it hidden:

• be honest with yourself about where you're at
• talk to someone you trust about what's going on
• invest the time needed to keep yourself healthy (and productive)
• get help from someone who understands and can advise what to do next
• take a 6 or 8 week mindfulness course (sustained practice rather than dipping in and out is what makes the changes to our stress reactions)

How mindfulness helps:

• interrupts the stress cycle and resets mental equilibrium
• changes gut reactions about what constitutes a threat
• creates a moment of choice, rather than responding automatically
• engages curiosity and open-mindedness
• helps us step back from our ‘monkey-mind’ and get perspective
• generates a feeling of safety & reduces stress hormone production
• changes our behaviour, speech and body language with others
• if we’re calm, those with us feel safe and cared for
• improves the capacity to concentrate

See this great book on the effects of trauma and stress: Gabor Maté ‘When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress’ and a video on how stress causes illness: https://youtu.be/Rik5E7wey0w

There are two core feelings that we experience: liking the pleasant and disliking the unpleasant – these are subtly happening all the time, in reaction to everything around us.

When we like something, we go towards it , seek it, hold on to it , want more, want it again; and we suffer when we don’t get what we want, or can’t maintain the pleasant feelings.

When we don’t like something, we resist it, deny it , distract ourselves, fight against it , or spend our energy planning and acting to avoid it happening; and we suffer when it happens anyway, when it’s out of our control.

As an outcome, we may feel overwhelm and overload, or suffer anxiety and depression; these are very common. Or just burn out fighting what is.

The good news is that our patterns and our suffering can change. We can learn new responses due to brain plasticity and the ability to create new neural pathways.

The key to change is to actively embrace the experience in body feelings, emotions and thoughts. It’s about leaning-in.

First of all we need to foster recognition of our patterns of response; it may help naming them. But employ non-judging awareness, do not make your habits into demons, thus giving them power; they are there for a reason, so try befriending these emotions.

The next step is acknowledging what is – accepting the facts of each situation (often misconceived through memory of past events and how we first responded). It’s important to avoid fighting the present, as this just sets up internal battles and causes more harm.

Remember to take a stance of non-judging awareness, employing equanimity – stepping back with curiosity, being not-moved.

Know that suffering is a great teacher, and helps us develop compassion.

Through meditation practice, you will discover the truth of impermanence – that ‘this too will pass’.  Our bodies and feelings are in a continual process of becoming, dissolving and re-forming.

Ultimately the way to suffer less is by recognising that our true nature is our pure consciousness, not our ego/identity. We are conscious beings with human experience.  This inner self, the beingness that is aware, does not suffer.

A great book on this is:

Anam Thubten ’No Self, No Problem’

This recipe helps in all aspects of our life:

1. meditate every day – recognise the pure awareness behind the busy mind
2. be mindful - paying attention to experience as it happens, and to your reactions – pleasant/liking, unpleasant/disliking
3. step back with curiosity and equanimity
4. recognise your existing patterns of response
5. let go of your judgements and befriend your demons
6. clarify your values, and what really matters
7. choose/create a new habit of response
8. practice gratitude & be kind to self and others
9. be open to change (it will happen anyway)