The human brain is predisposed to notice threats; we’re naturally vigilant.

Psychological research (e.g. Barbara Fredrickson) shows that we are about 3 times more likely to notice negatives than we notice positives. We also tend to think that people who give criticism are smarter than those who give praise, and that the negative perspective is contagious (read Rick Hanson). So we need to engineer 3 times as many positive emotions, pro-actively, to maintain good mental health, as long as the perception of positive events is authentic.

We have a built-in alertness to threats, whether it’s about speaking up at a meeting, seeing business or personal threats rather than opportunities, or dumbing down in front of charismatic managers. People identify angry faces faster than happy ones.

This is hardwired into the brain. The speed at which negatives or dangers are identified and stored as simple memories, by the amygdala, is also much quicker than the way positives are noticed and stored.

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentimihalyi suggests that to counteract this tendency, we must: 'learn to control our consciousness and direct our attention to activities which provide ‘flow’ activities which give positive feedback and strengthen our sense ofpurpose and achievement.'

The starting point for re-programming our perceptions is mindfulness, by staying present without worries about past and future. By intentionally tuning-into the signals in the body or thought patterns, we can open our mind to be aware of transient positive emotions, become more familiar with them ,and notice things we may normally miss. Once we become more familiar with this way of paying attention, we can start to intentionally shift our attention to ‘nice’ things (read Arden).

Also, remember that the brain has plasticity, meaning that we can change the neural pathways that govern our stress response, See this useful article: https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-neuroplasticity

Read Rick Hanson 'Buddha’s Brain'

Read John B Arden ‘Re-wire Your Brain’

Barbara Fredrickson video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyfzIQH6YKI

 

There are two core feelings that we experience: liking the pleasant and disliking the unpleasant – these are subtly happening all the time, in reaction to everything around us.

When we like something, we go towards it, seek it, hold on to it, want more, want it again; and we suffer when we don’t get what we want, or can’t maintain the pleasant feelings.

When we don’t like something, we resist it, deny it, distract ourselves, fight against it , or spend our energy planning and acting to avoid it happening; and we suffer when it happens anyway, when it’s out of our control.

As an outcome, we may feel that life is pretty awful, and suffer anxiety and depression; these are very common. Or just burn out fighting what is.

To understand what’s going on, we need to dive deeper.

Our ego or identity, is the sum of our learned experience, tempered by our genetic tendencies. This identity is a story we tell ourselves, based on our lived experience.  When things go ‘wrong’, we take it personally, so we learn to protect this ego, creating habits of reaction and response.

So when events go badly, we try to limit the damage, through a fight, flight or freeze response. The way we react and respond becomes hard wired in our neural pathways.

So you may be delighted by a bee buzzing, whilst I may be scared by it. It’s the same bee. How we react is personal, depending on our history.

The good news is that our patterns of behaviour can change as we start to perceive external events and internal thoughts differently. We can change what creates stress and our perceptions of things that happen. We can learn new responses due to brain plasticity and the ability to create new neural pathways.

The key to making this change is to actively embrace the experience in body feelings, emotions and thoughts. It’s about leaning-in.

First of all we need to foster recognition of our patterns of response; it may help naming them. Also be aware of making snap judgements.

The next step is acknowledging what is – accepting the facts of each situation (often misconceived through memory of past events and how we first responded). It’s important to avoid fighting the present, as this just sets up internal battles and causes more harm.

Try to take a stance of non-judging awareness, employing equanimity – stepping back with curiosity, being not-moved.

Acceptance develops slowly.  It basically means stopping fighting, whilst still taking action to change things for the better.  Suffering is a great teacher, and helps us develop compassion.

Through your meditation practice, you will discover the truth of impermanence – that everything changes and that ‘this too will pass’.

It helps also, to shift the focus from introspection, by practising selflessness, kindness, and generosity. If we help others, we feel good.

Ultimately the way to suffer less is by recognising that our true nature is our pure consciousness, not the ego/identity. We are conscious beings with human experience.

This inner self, the beingness that is aware, does not suffer.

We can train ourselves to maintain mindful awareness; acknowledging/accepting what is; creating a gap of clarity in which we choose our response based on clarity of values; then learning and influencing future reactions.

It helps to be clear where we have control ie our own responses and perceptions, and where we do not ie external events.

This path requires regular, well-guided practice. Daily mindfulness and meditation changes the brain, and our happiness set-point moves.

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Here are some letting go and acceptance meditations, to play or download.

 

 

We take a lot for granted. For example, you shovel in a quick breakfast before work, while checking your mobile phone, then rush out the door, your mind full of the things you’ve got to do and the rush to get to work.

So, did you give one thought to the seed that holds the genetic blueprint to allow the farmer to nurture its germination and growth, through to the harvest of the grains? Then the processing to make it into your meusli, the packaging and delivery, the road transport and the retail infrastructure. And all the natural processes of sun and rain and energy, and ideas and labour that made it all possible. Probably not.

Yet our daily life depends on a miraculous, complex web of interconnections anddependencies. This earth and culture supports us, and makes it possible for us to breathe, work, live, and play. Our comfort and our food and shelter should not be taken for granted, or we’re just being big, spoilt children. 

‘Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Likewise, there’s much more goodwill and support by our fellow men and women around us than there are threats. But that doesn’t make the news. If we switch on the media channels, we’ll just hear the bad news, reinforcing our belief that we need to hold tightly to what’s ‘ours’.

This is not healthy. It makes us believe that we are separate and independent. If we really believe that we may become self-centred or paranoid. That’s not good for our relationships to other people, to clients, to colleagues, and to the planet.

So the antidote to this slippery path is gratitude. This simple practice has been shown to improve physical and mental health, relationships, empathy, self-esteem and sleep.

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Here’s a simple exercise to do at least every day this week:

Write down, each evening, 5 things to be thankful for. When you wake up, make it the first thing you do, to give appreciation and thanks for something – anything –the comfy bed, your partner, the bird singing outside, the hot water in the shower, or that bowl of muesli!

In the evening, write down 20 things you are grateful for, or nice events, even if they are simple things that you normally take for granted.

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Here is gratitude meditation:

In a materialistic world we can be mistaken for believing that we’ll be happy when ….we get that new iPhone, that new relationship, that bigger car, that reduction in my tremor etc. These things may give us a temporary boost, but like a drug, they don’t last, so we soon want the next thing.

Similarly, we may feel unhappy when we lose something, or a goal is not achieved.

If we attach to outcomes, sooner or later we will be back feeling that what is, is not enough.

‘We’ve been looking for happiness in the wrong place,’ says Qi Gong Master Mingtong Gu.

True and lasting satisfaction, lies within, it is already there, we just need to discover it. We do this through meditation, when we touch on internal tranquillity, and that is an infinite resource unaffected by our day-to-day worldly concerns.

It’s important too to be kind to yourself, not just others.

‘Self-kindness is an intelligent practice that recognises your needs and acts on them. It’s a choice and a set of actions that you make on purpose because you know that they support your mental (and physical) health.’  David Hamilton

So whilst meditation gives us the experience of inner happiness, there are also some practical actions you can take that help:

• Set an intention – set out at the start of each day with an intention to be positive, kind, and to nurture yourselves and others (don’t miss the ‘others’; that’s an essential component). If you’re reading this, you’re already on a positive path.
• Refresh yourself – take the time to just ‘be’ and do nothing. Make time especially at the beginning of the day such as for yoga, meditation or just sitting down by the window with a cup of tea; and find triggers to take a few minutes here and there during the day to just pause and breathe ( more on this later).
• Purpose is important. The Japanese word ikigai embodies this; Japanese psychologist Michiko Kumano (2017) has said that ikigaiis a state of wellbeing that arises from devotion to activities one enjoys, which also brings a sense of fulfilment; it is the overlap of your passion, your skills, and how you can serve the world
• Set goals that are achievable each day and celebrate or congratulate yourself (this boosts dopamine)
• Recognise your patterns of behaviour in response to stress, and observe the effect on your body (more on this in the mindfulness notes)
• Be kind – be creative in finding ways to be kind to both yourself and those around us. It may cost us no more than a smile or even a wish. Being kind makes us
• Be empathetic – we all have our problems; so if a loved one, friend or neighbour is creating a challenge for us, step into their shoes for a minute.
• Find the positives – actively explore this amazing world around us and find the beauty we take for granted. We need to tip the balance of our natural tendency to notice negatives into one where we notice more positives (see earlier chapter).